Separation Anxiety Therapy for Children | Los Gatos/San Jose

At the Cognitive Behavior Therapy Center of Silicon Valley, we offer cognitive behavior therapy (CBT) for children with Separation Anxiety. Our approach with children with separation anxiety is practical, goal-oriented, compassionate, and scientifically-based while focusing on your child’s individual needs. If you think your child may be experiencing separation anxiety, you can learn more about separation anxiety and our treatment approach below.

What is Separation Anxiety Disorder in Children?

Many children experience separation anxiety between 18 months and three years old, when it is normal to feel some anxiety when a parent leaves the room or goes out of sight. Usually children can be distracted from these feelings. It’s also common for your child to cry when first being left at daycare or pre-school, and crying usually subsides after becoming engaged in the new environment.

If your child is slightly older and unable to leave you or another family member, or takes longer to calm down after you leave than other children, then the problem could be separation anxiety disorder, which affects 4 percent of children. This disorder is most common in kids ages seven to nine. When separation anxiety disorder occurs, a child experiences excessive anxiety away from home or when separated from parents or caregivers. Extreme homesickness and feelings of misery at not being with loved ones are common.

Symptoms of Separation Anxiety in Children

  • Excessive anxiety when separated from parents or other caregivers.
  • Worry about losing parents or caregivers or that bad things will happen to caregivers while they are apart.
  • Worry about being separated from caregivers, e.g. fears about getting lost or being kidnapped.
  • Refusing to go to school, camp, or sleepovers.
  • Insisting that someone stay with them at bedtime.
  • Nightmares, usually with themes of separation from parents.
  • Physical complaints (stomachaches, headaches or nausea) when separated from parents.

Cognitive Behavioral Model of Separation Anxiety in Children

Stressful events or transitions, such as moving to a new town or parent separation, may trigger your child’s anxiety about being separated from you, but this is not always the case. According to the CBT model, separation anxiety is maintained by your child’s exaggerated beliefs about the dangerousness of being without parents, his/her beliefs that they will not be able to cope with their fear, and avoidance or safety behaviors that prevent new learning. For example, your child may be fearful of being alone at bedtime due to fears about safety (e.g. fear of being kidnapped). Your child may employ “safety behaviors” such as insisting that you stay until he/she falls asleep or sleeping in your bedroom, that relieve his/her anxiety in the short-term, but prevents your child from learning to cope with everyday anxiety and uncertainties. These mistaken beliefs and ineffective safety behaviors will be the focus of treatment.

Cognitive Behavior Therapy for Children with Separation Anxiety

CBT focuses on helping your child to identify the feelings and thoughts that maintain fears and worries about being apart from parents and to use new coping strategies to face these fears. You and your child will learn about common anxiety symptoms and how avoiding being away from parents actually makes your child’s fear worse. Your child’s therapist will teach your child new ways to respond to worries and fears, such as positive self-talk, “brave” statements, and calming strategies. You will also learn how to support your child in practicing these skills in the real world and how to allow your child room to use his/her own resources to manage anxiety-provoking situations. Your child will then face his/her fears through exposure therapy, gradually increasing participation in “independent activities” and decreasing safety behaviors.

Common Goals of Cognitive Behavior Therapy with Children with Separation Anxiety
  • Develop healthy and realistic beliefs and expectations about time spent apart from parents.
  • Increase time spent in extracurricular and social activities as well as independent play.
  • Complete evening routine with age appropriate parent support.
  • Increase comfort and independence in being in public environments without parents.
  • Decrease anxiety and fear when separated from parents.
How to Get Help for Your Child with Separation Anxiety

Separation anxiety is often stressful for parents and may be difficult to understand. It is helpful to listen to your child and to be open-minded in listening to his/her fears. Help your child understand that anxiety and uncertainty is a normal part of growing up and remind your child that he/she is safe and will be protected. You can remind your child that you will keep him/her safe and that there are other adults they can trust when you are apart. It may also be helpful to talk about fears you overcame as a child. After talking with your child it may be time to get some professional help.

The Cognitive Behavior Therapy Center of Silicon Valley (San Jose/Los Gatos) specializes in anxiety and OCD therapy and counseling for children. Click to send an email for more information on how we can help your child overcome his/her anxiety-related problems.

Silicon Valley and Sacramento Valley Communities We Serve

Cognitive Behavior Therapy Center of Silicon Valley offers evidence-based therapy for Child Anxiety and Child OCD near the following Silicon Valley/San Jose communities:

San Jose Therapy CounselingSaratoga Therapy CounselingLos Gatos Therapy Counseling Monte Sereno Therapy Counseling • Cupertino Therapy CounselingCampbell Therapy CounselingMountain View Therapy CounselingLos Altos Therapy CounselingSunnyvale Therapy CounselingSanta Clara Therapy Counseling

Cognitive Behavior Therapy Center of Sacramento Valley offers evidence-based therapy for Child Anxiety and Child OCD near the following Sacramento Valley and Sierra communities:

Sacramento Therapy CounselingRoseville Therapy Counseling • Rocklin Therapy Counseling • Granite Bay Therapy Counseling • Lincoln Therapy CounselingFolsom Therapy Counseling • Citrus Heights Therapy Counseling •  El Dorado Hills Therapy Counseling • Loomis Therapy CounselingGrass Valley Therapy Counseling  • Auburn Therapy Counseling

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